How to Recognize Domestic Violence ?
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• insults their victim;
• controls their activities;
• devalues and despises them;
• destroys their personal belongings;
• pushes and hits the victim;
• holds them responsible for their actions;
• throws objects in their direction;
• exerts control over their finances;
• forbids contact with loved ones;
• holds them responsible for their own actions;
• forces the victim to have sexual relations;
• threatens them or their children;
• constantly monitors and criticizes their actions.
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• they lose their self-confidence;
• they think no one will believe them;
• they feel responsible for what's happening to them;
• they are ashamed of their situation and afraid to talk about it;
• they doubt their abilities and skills;
• they feel desperate, alone, isolated and powerless;
• they hide their situation from family and friends.
How do you leave a violent partner ?
It's not easy to leave an abusive partner. There are a number of factors that can delay the decision. For example:
you feel responsible for your family's happiness;
you don't want to deprive your children of their father;
you retain a secret hope that your partner will change;
you fear he will carry out his threats;
you fear you'll be even more lonely and isolated;
you fear the children will suffer from the separation;
you fear the financial consequences for you, but especially for your children;
you're afraid you'll be blamed for breaking up the family;
you're afraid you'll be blamed for the consequences your departure could have on him: depression, carrying out his suicide threats or kidnapping the children;
you wonder whether you'll be believed;
you fear that your children will be taken away from you;
you fear the consequences of shared custody...
These fears are legitimate. They are rooted in universal family and social values: the importance of the family and the role of each parent in a child's development. But these fears are also rooted in the experience of violence and control exerted by your partner, and in the need, indeed the urgency, to protect yourself and your children from it and to survive it...
So, leaving a violent partner is an act that can occur during a violent incident (911), but it can also be carried out at a time when you feel it is prudent to do so, and according to the scenario that best suits your situation.
How to prepare your departure ?
What to bring with you
Here's a list of documents and personal items you can prepare and have available when you're ready to leave:
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• diplomas;
• address book;
• insurance policies;
• marriage certificate;
• social insurance card;
• lease or title deeds;
• children's school reports;
• immigration papers and certificates;
• prescriptions for you and your children;
• your passport and those of your children;
• children's health and vaccination records;
• most recent tax returns (federal and provincial);
• birth certificates for you and your children;
• health insurance cards for you and your children;
• driver's license and vehicle registration papers;
• bank book, credit cards, cheque book, banking documents; mortgage or bank loan documents, etc.
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• car keys;
• cell phone;
• toiletries;
• children's school supplies;
• duplicate apartment keys;
• objects of significance to the children;
• jewelry and objects of personal value;
• extra clothes for you and the children;
• medication for yourself or the children;
• any other items you feel are important to have with you.
Useful Links
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Rebâtir - Consultation juridique sans frais pour les personnes victimes de violence conjugale et violence sexuelle